Week Thirteen Power Rankings

R.I.P. Sean Taylor

Wow, being an editor is much easier than being a writer! Sit around, wait for the article to come in, tell the author its crap, that my dog could do better, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well, not this week's author, they did a good job, then again so did Jason and Jeremiah, I just had to wait for Jeremiah's cat to get done with feeding time before I could see the article!

Anyway, you guessed it, another guest blogger this week! And who better to handle this week's duties than the owner of the newly surging Green Helmets, Andy Untiedt. The Helmets have put together a nice two game winning streak, including an upset victory over the top ranked Short Bus Bullies last week, that some say was fueled by the presence of their number one fan, John Heder, on the sidelines for the game.

# 1 Short Bus Bullies – The Bullies have set a new league record! …Most waiver wire moves in a single season. Hey, whatever works I guess. The Short Bus Bullies are still the favorites to win the cup this year even after the close loss to the Helmets, a game they probably should have won if not for some questionable starts (Arizona D?). The Bullies will almost certainly enter the playoff weeks with a first round bye and look to be untouchable the rest of the season. The only questions left to be answered for the Bullies are who will face them in the Super Bowl, and how many more waiver wire moves can they possibly make.

#2 Annandale Pumas – The Pumas take back the #2 spot after they pulled off a close one last week in a low scoring affair with SxC. It looks as if they will be able to hold on to the top seed going into the playoffs after the Short Bus Bullies’ loss. However, in order to win it all this year, the Pumas will have to overcome some tough match-ups in week 17. Manning and the Colts will surely be looking for revenge against the Texans and Titans after the late-season upsets of last year, so don’t expect superstars Manning and Addai to be benched in these crucial playoff games.

#3 Sixteen in the Clip – SxC looked like they had a good shot going into Monday night against the Pumas, but unfortunately for them the rain washed away all the lines on the field along with their chances at winning week 12. It looks as if Sixteen in the Clip could still have a strong playoff run and eek out a top three finish this year. Their top player, All Day Adrian Peterson comes back this week which should ensure that they will not have any repeats of last week’s sad performance. Their game this week against the Red Dogs will be a huge test between the third and fourth ranked teams.

#4 Centreville Red Dogs – Well, in the year of Tom Brady, any team with the pretty-boy QB is likely an automatic playoff contender. The Red Dogs could have women’s basketball players filling out the rest of their roster and still make the playoffs. Mastermind Bill Belichick seems to be out to prove a point this season, so it is doubtful that Brady will take a seat to minimum-wage making back-up Matt Cassel anytime. Brady…er the Red Dogs face Sixteen in the Clip this week in what will likely determine the third seed going into the playoff weeks as both teams should coast through week 14.

#5 The Rocky Runners – The Runners lose running back Cedric Benson for the rest of the season. For most fantasy teams with Benson, this loss is probably a blessing in disguise as he has been terrible this year. However, as of yet the Runners have made no move to replace the wounded bear. It looks as if their best option for a replacement running back for the last weeks of the season is old man Fred Taylor, who will probably be sore for a month after last weeks outing. The Runners really need to make some moves and pick up some waiver wire fliers this week or they could see themselves plummeting from the playoff picture.

#6 The Black Hand – With most of the league shrouded in mediocrity, and the Sunshine and Rocky Runners in a downward spiral, it’s safe to say that the Black Hand will likely be a contender in the playoffs this year. Look for the Hand to put up a lot of points in the next weeks against the Amish and the Rocky Runners with a lot of players that are sure to be involved in shootout games. The Hand are no stranger to upset victories and could go as far as landing a surprise spot in the Super Bowl.

#7 The Angry Amish – The Amish made a good move early to salvage what could have been a disastrous season in picking up QB Derek Anderson. Like Good Sport, the Amish have been plagued by inconsistent or underperforming (overrated?) studs such as Larry Johnson and the Algenon Crumpler. The Amish still have a very real shot at squeaking into the playoffs despite having scored the least number of points. This weeks matchup against the Black Hand is a must win for the livid luddites.

#8 Annandale Sunshine – Tough beat for the Sunshine who put up a whopping 127 points, but played the only team to score more. It looks like the Sunshine are going to have to pull out at least one win in the next two weeks, which is not a gimmie by any means facing two top ranked teams in the Pumas and the Red Dogs. The Sunshine’s surging start has ebbed in the latter weeks of the season due to a bad schedule, bad luck and inconsistent, verging on bad players. The Sunshine are certainly still contenders for at least the playoffs, but the loss to Good Sport last week just may be a portent of things to come, and I wouldn’t hold my breath.

#9 Good Sport – Good Sport raised a dispute as to why they shouldn’t be ignored last week, putting up 145 points! Devin Hester finally earned his spot in the Sport’s lineup, returning two kicks for points. If only return yards counted for points… In fact, everybody in Good Sport’s lineup went ridiculous last week; even backup QB Jay Cutler scored 21 points. Just goes to show that the bottom of the barrel teams still have got a lot of fight in them and cannot be overlooked as the last weeks of the season approach. Well, the last week of the season anyway as GS play the Helmets this week in the battle for last.

#10 Green Helmets – Give up? Never! Too little too late for the Helmets, who finally have a healthy team. Written off as scrubs, the Helmets still managed to make an impact on the league with an upset victory over the top-ranked Bullies, and it would only be fair to share the bitter taste of defeat with the Pumas in week 14. If nothing else, look for the Helmets to have a strong finish going into next season, possibly even managing to outscore half of the league while still coming in last place.

Week 12 Power Rankings

Again, I'm a slacker.

I suck. I don't write the power rankings enough. I know, I know. But in all honesty, its hard to find time to be this good and write about it too! So, seeing as how tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I've decided to let our resident turkey try his hand at writing. As a perennial playoff team, and last years Vandelay Cup winner, the Annandale Pumas look even nastier this year with the likes of Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Joesph Addai and Peyton Manning in their lineup, but how are they at writing? You be the judge:

With our fearless commish being so busy with his birthday and eating, he’s had no time to write up a power ranking for this week. So once again, someone is going to have to pick up his unending amount of slack and write it for him. Unfortunately, I drew the short straw…

#1 Short Bus Bullies* – The Bullies are the obvious pick at number one. They have the easiest schedule of anyone the rest of the way out playing The Green Helmets, The Rocky Runners, and Good Sport who have combined for a 9-24 record (six of those wins coming from The Rocky Runners). I see them going 3-0 over this final stretch with only the Runners providing any kind of threat. This will give the Bullies a #1 seed and a bye week going into the playoffs. This makes them a scary threat in the playoffs as none of their players look as if they’ll be rested in the final weeks of the season. Combine that with the fact that they already have the league’s highest point total by a comfortable margin and you can expect to see the Bullies bringing home one of the four payouts at the end of the year. That is as long as their reliance on Cincinnati Bengals doesn't get them locked up. But they should have even more time to focus on their team now that the trade deadline has forced them to stop offering ridiculous trades.

#2 Sixteen in the Clip** – The first real surprise in the rankings comes early at the number two spot. This is NOT me feeding my team the Bill Belichick “humble pie.” At this late point in the season we have to look at what teams have the best shot at winning the Super Bowl. Although the Pumas are perhaps the most stacked team at the moment, they are facing the benching of their four best players late in the season (Moss, Owens, Manning, and Addai). With these four out, they would no longer be favorites to win any game. However, Sixteen in the Clip is riding a three-game win streak and they have won those games decisively. It looks like no one in their starting lineup is going to be benched and Adrian Peterson, the Nate Dogg to their G Child, looks like he’ll be back for the playoffs. That makes for a scary Super Bowl contender. This is the only good news the better half of this team will get though as her Cavaliers are headed for a blowout loss. This loss is easy to argue when your bow tie is too tight and you've had lots of Zima at a pregame party, but we all know UVA is where it is "bright and gay," not where you win football games.

#3 Annandale Pumas* – Although the Pumas may be hurting when they get into the playoffs, they still get the number three slot because of all their top tier talent. Their top two receivers, Moss and Owens, have been sick recently and now are the number 2 and number 4 point-getters in fantasy this year. Combine with that Peyton Manning and Joseph Addai and it becomes a guarantee that one of them blows up on any given week. The real problem is as mentioned above: when do these guys get rested for the playoffs? If this happens early, expect the Pumas to fold like a lawn chair.

#4 Centreville Red Dogs** – Let the Dogs start their whimpering now, but the stats don’t lie. Almost 26% of the points they’ve scored this year have come on the arm of Tom “Super-Model Baby Daddy” Brady. Although Belichick isn’t likely to bench this monster, all of those points hinging on one player makes me nervous. Besides, have you seen what Brady does to goats? Let’s just say Moss isn’t the only one he’s telling to go deep. Don't be surprised if Brady's play falls off because he has to get a second job to support his goat children. Plus, with Santonio Holmes going out for at least a game or two, is anyone scared of the rest of the Red Dogs? They shouldn’t be because he’s another 10% of their point scoring this year. Oh, and don’t forget his defense faces one of the toughest schedules in the NFL to close out the year.

#5 Rocky Runners*** - The Runners should feel comfortable in this number five slot, but they need to do some real work to get the depth necessary to jump up in to the top four. They need to move people like Vernand Morency, Sammy "IR" Morris, and Chad "No Arm" Pennington off their team to get some people who have a chance at contributing. Otherwise their team may end up looking like Pennington usually does. The playoffs will be unforgiving to a team with little depth. However, the Rocky Runners do have some serious WR talent and a solid QB. If they can bolster these players with some depth from the free agent pool, they will significantly improve their chances of making a run deep in the playoffs.

#6 Annandale Sunshine*** - Although the Sunshine's smack talk is true (they do play the best teams twice and have the hardest schedule), quit your whining! Beating the best teams is how you win the Super Bowl! However, I don't think the Sunshine is going to be able to do that and finish out 3-0. I see them losing two of their last three to leave a window open for the Angry Amish or Black Hand to steal their spot. Inconsistent quarterback play has plagued them all year and with Shaun Alexander, Marion Barber, Derrick Ward, and Lendale White, nobody is scared of their team. They did get Andre Johnson back last week and he immediately contributed and if Lendale White could stop eating long enough to live up to his potential, the Sunshine could make a late run at the title.

#7 Angry Amish**** - The Angry Amish have the best chance to upset the rankings and steal a playoff spot. They must win out to have a true shot at doing this and if they get Marshawn Lynch and Larry Johnson back, they just may. However, even if they get Clinton Portis to disguise their chances the rest of the season, I'm not going to be fooled. The Amish are a longshot to make the playoffs and I don't think its going to happen. The team is not healthy enough at RB and lacks the star power at WR. The good news is they have some real talent to bring in to next year and if their draft class is as intelligent as it was this year, they'll be near the top of the rankings all season long.

#8 Black Hand**** - Having to go up against the Brady-led Red Dog's this week is going to make the Hand feel like they're at Virginia Tech move-in again saying "NO! I'm lost!" That loss to the Red Dogs combined with the fall off of Chad Johnson and Braylon Edwards (neither one has gone for over 10 points since Week 8), has dropped the Hand down this low. Although Tony Romo is trying, I can't see the Hand turning things around and stealing a playoff spot. Not even Ocho Cinco's grill can make the rest of this season look bright.

#9 Green Helmets***** - THE HELMETS WIN!!! THE HELMETS WIN!!! Wait, do they want to win? The Green Helmets may enjoy their role as a spoiler but they should think about playing for that draft pick next year. They made a good move for a keeper for next year in Steve Smith, but what kind of player are they getting in Smith? He hasn't even had a DECENT second half production and let's just say he's not the best teammate. Either way, the Helmets will have a good core group of players going in to next year and with a high draft pick will be able to rebound from this "rebuilding" season. However, they will once again be looking for a quarterback unless they want to stick with this guy.

#10 Good Sport***** – Oh, how the mighty have fallen. From playing in the Super Bowl last year to a team that is playing for the number one draft pick this year, this team has really taken a U-turn into the toilet. The brightest spot on this team has come from its owner's head reflecting light. No seriously, this team had potential and was well-constructed, but poor luck has left this team in the cellar. The only thing they can do is play for the highest draft pick, and with their start of Philly's D against the Pats, that's right where they'll be. Expect to see a lot of this out of the Eagles on Sunday.

And not to leave myself out, I think you all should see Peyton "Goodie-Goodie" Manning's true personality.


* - already clinched a playoff spot
** - can clinch a playoff spot with a win
*** - can clinch a playoff spot with a win AND a Black Hand and Angry Amish loss
**** - still have a chance to make playoffs but face must-win situations
***** - chumps who are playing for draft spots next year

Week 10 Power Rankings

Welcome back my friends....to the show that never ends, come inside...oh you know the rest. I do apologize for the lack of blogs lately, but unfortunately I just haven't had the time to write, so I give you the guest writer of the week: Jason 'Mavis' Hanna, owner of this year's expansion (and currently first place) Short Bus Bullies!

Mavis earned his nickname (one of many including: Freshman, Kobe, Subway etc) from a male beauty pageant in high school. Mavis was her name on stage. Winning the swimsuit competition that year, Mavis went on to compete in the transvestite Miss Confused America and modeled for several GLBT magazines, until like so many in his/her profession, he fell victim to bulimia and cocaine abuse.

Now, with his appetite restored, eating two foot long Subway chicken subs per meal, Mavis is becoming the Happy Gilmore of our league. The goofy guy no one took too seriously, but is promising us all that he's going to get Granny's house back with the Vandelay Cup winnings this year. So, without further ado (yeah, that pun was for you Jason), I give you the only man I have ever thrown piss on!

1. The easy pick, short bus bullies, are not going to be our number 1 team, but why? Because the Annandale Pumas are by far the best team right now. That's because of his wicked cast of pro-bowlers who can't seem to do anything but score. After the sad letdown in week 8 against the pound puppies, the Pumas look to run out the rest of the schedule. Thanks in part to the Patriots and Colts race for home field advantage in the playoffs. His stars will continue to shine, and he won't have to lift an eyebrow until after his playoff bye.
2. The Short Bus Bullies limp in to the 2 hole after 3 tough battles in a row, only to see more danger ahead. However, with their recent luck and a very deep roster, they have put themselves into the fight for a coveted playoff bye. The biggest threat until the playoffs is their Cincinnati stock pile of players. Now that some of his key players are out of playoff contention, it's possible they'll let off the gas. That will all of a sudden take the bullies from a front-runner to first round playoff underdogs.
3. Centerville Red Dogs could have easily been your number 2 this week, maybe even number 1. NOPE. While Santonio Holmes looked like Josh at the buffet("All day baby!") or Mavis at the Subway. Willie Parker laid down a dump only fitting for the shit baron (stupid inside joke) costing the Red Dogs the match and the props. The future looks shaky for our resident hero facing quality teams and potential upsets the rest of the year. No matter how it pans out for them, its going to be fun to watch.
4. Three teams have a right to claim this spot. But it goes to only the Annandale Sunshine. Don't be fooled, this is the highest they will be the rest of the year because of the same old song. Just as the clouds were parting, Andre Johnson and the revamped Drew Brees were about to save the day, Shaun Alexander, Derrick Ward, and Donovan McNabb all get hurt or play as bad as if they were. Not good! She's up against the number 1,2,& 3 teams in the league over the next 5 weeks. A big win in one of those games or a big trade, drastically improves her chances to go deep into the playoffs.
5. It's an outrage! It can't be right! The runners are not 4th or 5th! Sixteen in the Clip knew they had a good running back but noone predicted he would be a goldmine. Lets all golf clap for Adrian Peterson, the new NFL single game rushing yardage record holder at 296 yards. As a rookie, unreal, with 2 games over 200 yards, also a record for rookies. Here it is, remember where you heard it, he won't get less than 18 fantasy points for the rest of the year. With a cast and crew of players fighting for real playoff position, big numbers are in the forecast for this sleeper pick to make at least the 2nd round of the playoffs. I know I don't want to face them again.
6. It may not have been easy, but it was necessary. The Rocky Runners are our number 6. Unfortunately, with a record that is currently tied for 2nd, there's a nonstop list of teams that score like they were owned by Bill Belichick. Hines Ward, Tony Gonzalez, and Carson Palmer will have to consistently put of big numbers because the other stars have taken back seats.
• Sammy Morris - hurt
• Bobby Engram= Deion Branch+DJ Hackett
• Chris Chambers goes to new team, and drops to 3rd or 4th option.
• The runners still have a chance to make the second round of the playoffs especially if they make some quick power moves. Such as Cedric"I don't know whats wrong"Benson and injured Sammy Morris and pick up Anthony Gonzalez ( because of Marvin Harrison's long term knee problem) and another prospect that may produce in the playoffs.
7. Black Hand, the question? Why? Let me tell you why Its your Redskin players they are terrible on offense! Keep the tight end and bench El for next years keepers, then dump the other to garbage players. Then go to the waiver wire and pick up Nate Burleson he has emerged into a point producing kick return 3rd option receiver he will put up point with the Seahawks average defense the offense will produce and make the playoffs. Then you also need to pick up a prospect to score NOW you need to put up points these last few weeks to make it to then land of milk and honey. If not, its all good there you can fight for first draft pick to get McFadden.
8. In week 6, The Angry Amish is about to be all but out of this years race, but then out of nowhere lead in scoring by his kicker, upsets one of the best teams to let hope live on. After taking three of the last four the Amish are on the outside looking in staring at two top tier teams in as many weeks. For this to even be possible the Amish need one of those games to stay in the hunt.
9. Good Sport invested into great running backs who ended his season before it even started. Now that LT woke up hes already out of it drop a scrub and grab Mike Vick for next year!
10. Its just wrong! Green Helmets, how do I start?. I took the time to plug his point totals into everyone’s schedule and in some cases he would have 3-4 wins in all cases he had 1 win at least. Their first pick Calvin Johnson was supposed to be the rookie of the year, hurt and hindered; superstar Anquan Boldin hurt and hampered; superstar Steven Jackson hurt and hindered; Vernon Davis also looks to have missed games. Its been one bad beat after another but you have a sick list of keeper players for next year right?!