Week 12 Power Rankings

Again, I'm a slacker.

I suck. I don't write the power rankings enough. I know, I know. But in all honesty, its hard to find time to be this good and write about it too! So, seeing as how tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I've decided to let our resident turkey try his hand at writing. As a perennial playoff team, and last years Vandelay Cup winner, the Annandale Pumas look even nastier this year with the likes of Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Joesph Addai and Peyton Manning in their lineup, but how are they at writing? You be the judge:

With our fearless commish being so busy with his birthday and eating, he’s had no time to write up a power ranking for this week. So once again, someone is going to have to pick up his unending amount of slack and write it for him. Unfortunately, I drew the short straw…

#1 Short Bus Bullies* – The Bullies are the obvious pick at number one. They have the easiest schedule of anyone the rest of the way out playing The Green Helmets, The Rocky Runners, and Good Sport who have combined for a 9-24 record (six of those wins coming from The Rocky Runners). I see them going 3-0 over this final stretch with only the Runners providing any kind of threat. This will give the Bullies a #1 seed and a bye week going into the playoffs. This makes them a scary threat in the playoffs as none of their players look as if they’ll be rested in the final weeks of the season. Combine that with the fact that they already have the league’s highest point total by a comfortable margin and you can expect to see the Bullies bringing home one of the four payouts at the end of the year. That is as long as their reliance on Cincinnati Bengals doesn't get them locked up. But they should have even more time to focus on their team now that the trade deadline has forced them to stop offering ridiculous trades.

#2 Sixteen in the Clip** – The first real surprise in the rankings comes early at the number two spot. This is NOT me feeding my team the Bill Belichick “humble pie.” At this late point in the season we have to look at what teams have the best shot at winning the Super Bowl. Although the Pumas are perhaps the most stacked team at the moment, they are facing the benching of their four best players late in the season (Moss, Owens, Manning, and Addai). With these four out, they would no longer be favorites to win any game. However, Sixteen in the Clip is riding a three-game win streak and they have won those games decisively. It looks like no one in their starting lineup is going to be benched and Adrian Peterson, the Nate Dogg to their G Child, looks like he’ll be back for the playoffs. That makes for a scary Super Bowl contender. This is the only good news the better half of this team will get though as her Cavaliers are headed for a blowout loss. This loss is easy to argue when your bow tie is too tight and you've had lots of Zima at a pregame party, but we all know UVA is where it is "bright and gay," not where you win football games.

#3 Annandale Pumas* – Although the Pumas may be hurting when they get into the playoffs, they still get the number three slot because of all their top tier talent. Their top two receivers, Moss and Owens, have been sick recently and now are the number 2 and number 4 point-getters in fantasy this year. Combine with that Peyton Manning and Joseph Addai and it becomes a guarantee that one of them blows up on any given week. The real problem is as mentioned above: when do these guys get rested for the playoffs? If this happens early, expect the Pumas to fold like a lawn chair.

#4 Centreville Red Dogs** – Let the Dogs start their whimpering now, but the stats don’t lie. Almost 26% of the points they’ve scored this year have come on the arm of Tom “Super-Model Baby Daddy” Brady. Although Belichick isn’t likely to bench this monster, all of those points hinging on one player makes me nervous. Besides, have you seen what Brady does to goats? Let’s just say Moss isn’t the only one he’s telling to go deep. Don't be surprised if Brady's play falls off because he has to get a second job to support his goat children. Plus, with Santonio Holmes going out for at least a game or two, is anyone scared of the rest of the Red Dogs? They shouldn’t be because he’s another 10% of their point scoring this year. Oh, and don’t forget his defense faces one of the toughest schedules in the NFL to close out the year.

#5 Rocky Runners*** - The Runners should feel comfortable in this number five slot, but they need to do some real work to get the depth necessary to jump up in to the top four. They need to move people like Vernand Morency, Sammy "IR" Morris, and Chad "No Arm" Pennington off their team to get some people who have a chance at contributing. Otherwise their team may end up looking like Pennington usually does. The playoffs will be unforgiving to a team with little depth. However, the Rocky Runners do have some serious WR talent and a solid QB. If they can bolster these players with some depth from the free agent pool, they will significantly improve their chances of making a run deep in the playoffs.

#6 Annandale Sunshine*** - Although the Sunshine's smack talk is true (they do play the best teams twice and have the hardest schedule), quit your whining! Beating the best teams is how you win the Super Bowl! However, I don't think the Sunshine is going to be able to do that and finish out 3-0. I see them losing two of their last three to leave a window open for the Angry Amish or Black Hand to steal their spot. Inconsistent quarterback play has plagued them all year and with Shaun Alexander, Marion Barber, Derrick Ward, and Lendale White, nobody is scared of their team. They did get Andre Johnson back last week and he immediately contributed and if Lendale White could stop eating long enough to live up to his potential, the Sunshine could make a late run at the title.

#7 Angry Amish**** - The Angry Amish have the best chance to upset the rankings and steal a playoff spot. They must win out to have a true shot at doing this and if they get Marshawn Lynch and Larry Johnson back, they just may. However, even if they get Clinton Portis to disguise their chances the rest of the season, I'm not going to be fooled. The Amish are a longshot to make the playoffs and I don't think its going to happen. The team is not healthy enough at RB and lacks the star power at WR. The good news is they have some real talent to bring in to next year and if their draft class is as intelligent as it was this year, they'll be near the top of the rankings all season long.

#8 Black Hand**** - Having to go up against the Brady-led Red Dog's this week is going to make the Hand feel like they're at Virginia Tech move-in again saying "NO! I'm lost!" That loss to the Red Dogs combined with the fall off of Chad Johnson and Braylon Edwards (neither one has gone for over 10 points since Week 8), has dropped the Hand down this low. Although Tony Romo is trying, I can't see the Hand turning things around and stealing a playoff spot. Not even Ocho Cinco's grill can make the rest of this season look bright.

#9 Green Helmets***** - THE HELMETS WIN!!! THE HELMETS WIN!!! Wait, do they want to win? The Green Helmets may enjoy their role as a spoiler but they should think about playing for that draft pick next year. They made a good move for a keeper for next year in Steve Smith, but what kind of player are they getting in Smith? He hasn't even had a DECENT second half production and let's just say he's not the best teammate. Either way, the Helmets will have a good core group of players going in to next year and with a high draft pick will be able to rebound from this "rebuilding" season. However, they will once again be looking for a quarterback unless they want to stick with this guy.

#10 Good Sport***** – Oh, how the mighty have fallen. From playing in the Super Bowl last year to a team that is playing for the number one draft pick this year, this team has really taken a U-turn into the toilet. The brightest spot on this team has come from its owner's head reflecting light. No seriously, this team had potential and was well-constructed, but poor luck has left this team in the cellar. The only thing they can do is play for the highest draft pick, and with their start of Philly's D against the Pats, that's right where they'll be. Expect to see a lot of this out of the Eagles on Sunday.

And not to leave myself out, I think you all should see Peyton "Goodie-Goodie" Manning's true personality.


* - already clinched a playoff spot
** - can clinch a playoff spot with a win
*** - can clinch a playoff spot with a win AND a Black Hand and Angry Amish loss
**** - still have a chance to make playoffs but face must-win situations
***** - chumps who are playing for draft spots next year