Week 5 Power Rankings

It's Friday night, I'm drunk on Sam Adam's Octoberfest, my Mother-In-Law is here, not a bad thing like some people might think and apparently Magic Johnson is lying about his HIV. I just made a joke about how cheating doesn't count if you're in a different zip code that my mother-in-law thought was funny. Apparently though, my wife did not. Fortunately, the couch is already occupied for the night and we don't have a dog house. I may however wind up on the floor. The question though, will it be because of my inebriation or because of my bad joke? Or both? I've been dreading writing this week's power rankings all week. Not because of nasty letters from teams that were unhappy about their rankings the previous weeks, even thought it's apparent at least one of those teams took my advice this week and started to turn it around. And it's not because of my loving wife's constant threats of abstinence if she's not ranked number one, although that's a biggie. What it really comes down to, is this week I figured I'd actually put some thought and reasoning into my rankings and try to be as accurate as possible. Do you understand how truly frightening that is for someone who hates organized thought? It's disgusting. So, I've decided to include a formula for this week's rankings and see how it works out. Given my eighth grade education and lack of a calculator (and six beers in two hours), it needs to be as easy as possible, and of course it needs to be reasonably accurate. The major categories I feel that need to be considered in a weekly ranking are:

1. Previous week's points rank. By this I mean, how many points did a team score in the previous week as compared to the rest of the league. For instance, last week the Rocky Runners scoring 119 points earned them the #1 ranking in the weekly points rankings for last week. First place earns 10 points, last place 1 point.
   
2. Overall points rank. Simple. Who's scored the most points on the season overall? Again, first place gets 10 points, last place 1 point.
   
3. Yahoo's Standings. What place is the team in according to Yahoo? Same thing, first place get 10 points, last place 1 point.
   
4. Number of player's on bye. -1 for each player on bye.
   
5. Overall record. 1 point per win, -1 per loss.

So, for instance let's calculate the Rocky Runner's score this week:

The Runners' were the overall points leader this week with 119, so that earns them 10 points. In overall points, they're ranked 6th, so that's 5 points. According to Yahoo, the Runner's are ranked 7th, so that's 4 points. They have 3 players on bye, so subtract 3 points and their overall record is 2-3, so give them -1 for that.

Total Score = 10+5+4-3-1 = 15 points

In the case of a tie for points scored, both teams will receive the higher points and the next untied team will get the next score. For instance, the Pumas and the Hand are both tied for fourth in weekly scoring, so they each get 7 points and the next team gets 6th place points.

Now in the future I won't base a team's ranking solely on this number, but it will play a big part in it. For at least this week though we're going solely on the formula. Now, ON TO THE RANKINGS....and more beer!

Power Score Rankings

1. Annandale Sunshine - Power Score 32 - It's not surprising to see the Sunshine come out on top with the new power score formula, considering for the past 5 weeks they've been one the league's leading scorers. With no players on bye, the top fantasy QB in Brees, Jason Witten, who's a friggin animal and Greg Jennings catching TD's left and right the Bullies will be in for a fight this week.
   
2. Annadale Pumas - Power Score 25 - Seven points separate first and second place. There's no other disparity this large in the rest of the Power Score Rankings. The Pumas are still a force though to be sure and with Big Ben as their only bye week player, and getting Plax back in the lineup makes them even tougher.
   
3. Short Bus Bullies - Power Score 21 - There are some real question marks in the Bullies lineup this week, but they always seem to rise above. Gonzalez, Breaston, Grant and Fasano in the starting lineup against the powerhouse Sunshine will make for a difficult week.
   
4. EZ Like Sunday Morning - Power Score 17 - The honeymoon hasn't really started, but as far as the power rankings go it's already over. Dropping from second to fourth in one week following a decimating loss to the now second ranked Pumas in combination with having 3 bye week players this week and forced to play Dallas Clark at the TE, they still should have a cake walk this week against the Black Plague..I mean Hand.
   
5. Rocky Runners - Power Score 15 - The Runners were the high scorer this week and it catapulted them to 5th place in the power rankings. If it weren't for their 3 players on bye, they would've had the 4th spot overall. Their matchup against SxC this week will be a big one as far playoff implications are concerned. More than likely, the loser of this matchup will not make it.
   
6. Green Helmets - Power Score 14 - H3LmE7s 4 L1Fe! This is one the few instances where my formula ranked a team lower than their Yahoo ranking. Not important. Helmets vs Pumas is always a classic matchup. Look for the Pumas to win going away in a stunning upset this week.
   
7. Centreville Red Dogs - Power Score 10 - Honest to God this team looks sad. Only projected for 72 points this week and that's all they scored last week. Look for the Amish to use their new found electricity to spank the Dogs with a rolled up newspaper this week.
   
8. Angry Amish - Power Score 9 - At least the Amish listened to me last week and turned their team around! LOL! That's all I have to say about that.
   
9. Black Hand - Power Score 5 - Look, seriously. Edwards sucks. Ocho Cinco sucks. Romo is a cowboy. Draft better, get a better team. Trade me Calvin Johnson. Chris Cooley is also a bright spot in this black hole of a team.
   
10. Sixteen In The Clip - Power Score 0 - What can I say? Cutler looks good. And that's really about it. Honestly, they still have 2 defenses. Drop one and see about picking up a free agent. Peterson should have a big week against the Lions. Honestly, most of the SxC players have good matchups. They might just surprise the Runners on Sunday.

Oh...and just because it's funny as shit: